Motherhood is something so natural, so touched on in female life that since childhood, the girl has spent hours playing and fantasizing about her life as a mother. Changing diapers, feeding, bottle feeding, teaching and attracting attention are part of the games and real life when the time comes.
In theory everything looks wonderful and charming, a real fairy tale. But what changes in a woman’s life after the arrival of a child? Is it just the charms and achievements that women prove in their maternal journey?
Even for those more prepared, who get pregnant exactly when they decide it’s time to be a mother, they need to give up several things to be a mother. So the old phrase “being a mother is not for everyone” and it really is not. When you think about having children, obviously the beautiful maternity scene comes to mind and the bad side is better not to think lol.
In order to be a mother, a woman needs to give up her own life, put her vanity in her pocket many times, literally fall off the heels and let “that natural selfishness” of the human being give way to an inexplicable love. Who has never seen that single girl taxed as selfish and selfish to transform after motherhood ? This is really what happens, motherhood transforms a woman’s life completely.
There are those who say that when you are a mother you will do it differently, you will not let your life be taken by motherhood, but this theory is followed until the day your first child is born. It is impossible not to give yourself completely, not to give yourself the maximum and to deprive yourself of what you lived before. Even more so when your old routine doesn’t fit a child’s routine.
Before and after
It is not one, nor two, nor three changes that a woman has to face after the arrival of a child is MANY. For those who love their freedom, like to leave without having time to arrive, hate routine and do not give up being always impeccable and up to date with the beauty salon and wardrobe rethink if they really want to be a mother now.
Perhaps the time will come for your biological clock to sound the alarm and say that the time has come and all the pleasures that you would not give up for anything stop being important and give way to a new moment. That is why we always hear that to be a mother you have to want a lot, be very sure of the choice you are taking and have psychological preparation for it, because it really is not easy to give up practically everything you like to give way to motherhood.
Like any decision made, there are consequences. It may seem radical in the eyes of outsiders, but natural for those who experience it. One thing is true: get ready to experience the greatest adventure of your life!
Tours and Fun
Before without children any last minute program is welcome. Staying overnight and going from Sunday to Sunday without worrying how many hours you will sleep is part of the fun. Lunches and especially dinners with friends in exotic places and at very different times are a delight. Welcoming friends into the home to chat or turn into a casino is always to be expected.
After the children leave without having time to come back, it is not on the schedule, unless you schedule yourself a few days before and hire a trusted nanny or leave with grandma to ensure that your child will be well taken care of. Leave Sunday to Sunday? This is out of the question, after all you have a baby who needs you and the physical tiredness of your new routine would not support.
Tours, lunches and dinners in unusual places and times now need to be thoroughly planned. After all your baby needs to sleep at the right time and can only go if it is a suitable place for children. Not to mention the space has suitable accommodation for you to change a diaper, heat a bottle or ask to warm up the baby food in time to feed it.
Before, at the home of a couple without children, everything is more practical. In the pantry and in the fridge a lot of fast food, frozen, canned or simply empty, as they prefer to eat out just the two of them. Even though spending on restaurants and snack bars is very high, the low spending on supermarkets ends up balancing. If you thought you spent a lot on lunches and dinners on the street, wait to have a child.
After the kids , the supermarket turns into a weekly tour, if not a daily one, after all, we always forget to buy an item. The couple’s small monthly shopping list will come with a huge sulfite containing diapers, children’s soap, essential hygiene items, Danone, berries, baby food and all the delicious and indispensable things in a child’s life.
As the list grows, so does the amount to be paid and the family expenses. And the supermarket, which was only visited once a month when needed, becomes an essential family walk. Get ready to be ninja in brands, prices and stay connected in promotions mainly of diapers.
Before the children, the bedside book was changed monthly, fortnightly or in some cases even weekly. I loved receiving tips from new books and even scheduled the next readings. I spent hours in the bookstore looking for new suggestions and felt thirsty to finish the current book.
After the children , the book begins to stay open longer. The reading suggestions start to be postponed and that book that you would devour in a few days cannot be finished. The practice of lying down at night and opening your book for reading ceases to become pleasant because you are so tired that when you lie down you just want to sleep lol.
The trips to the bookstore give way to a new session. Instead of old interests, your search is in children’s books and fairy tales. Musical, illuminated, coloring books that provide the most interaction for your child will be the most interesting.
Before the children, a trip could be planned in detail for months or be decided at the last minute for a beach camp. Upon receiving an invitation on a Friday afternoon, the suitcase would be ready to take the destination on the same day at night. Few pieces of clothing, bikini, slippers and hygiene accessories were enough to have a wonderful weekend with love. Regardless of the destination, how many hours it would take to arrive, let alone the accommodations that would remain. Enough was each other’s company!
After the children , every detail needs to be considered, accommodations, how many hours of travel, suitable place for meals? And the bags? The suitcases became a real extension of the house, from hygiene items, clothes, shoes, to kitchen utensils and snacks for the trip. If the trip goes to the beach then, toys to play in the sand, parasol, water, sunscreen. For care at home, the tablet, milk, chocolate, cookies, pillow and blanket. Oh and believe me, you will always forget one of the essential items to keep the trip peaceful.
These are some of the most abrupt changes, but there are millions of others that all mothers can list without thinking twice. Each or each family faces the changes and feels the differences individually as their priorities before having children are different from each other. Surely the one who will hear most of the changes is in relation to the couple’s nights sleep and sex life .
The important thing is to face these changes with joy, to live the new phase with love and pleasure and to be able to see that it is not because everything has changed that it will not be good. New stories will be lived, new smiles (and how many smiles will and will receive in this phase) and many experiences will be lived delightfully. Stop comparing before to after and live in the moment, be happy with your family!
See also: I want to be a mother, am I ready?
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.