Motherhood is seen as both a natural biological destiny in women’s lives and a ‘social obligation’ to procreate and care for children. But not all women want to be mothers and have chosen not to respond to the biological call and social impositions.
According to the research on women and mothers: an approach to the theory of care, among the definitions referring to what it is to be a woman, motherhood is something naturally imposed by her biological condition , but even so, women can choose not to be mother, despite having conditions in her anatomy for this.
Some women do not want to have children because they have chosen to dedicate themselves to professional life , others do not want children because they do not feel able to exercise as a mother and some women even want to have children, but they are afraid.
Where does Fear of Having Children come from?
The fear of having children is often related to the woman’s view of the world in which she lives. It is in the perception of injustices, inequalities , prejudices, intolerance to differences and in the certainty of the powerlessness to protect the child from the world’s ailments.
The fear of having children for some women can also be related to the perception and injustices that she perceives in her condition as a woman in the world “What if another woman is generated? How can you be strong living in this world? ”.
Violence is another factor that can weigh in the decision of non-maternity of some women, the choice of not wanting to be a mother may involve the fear of not being able to protect the child from the cruelty present in the world. Some women have a different view of children. They believe that generating a person involves an excess of responsibilities , mainly educational and social, and an excess of fear of not meeting the expectations implied by the social role of the mother makes them decide not to have children.
“I don’t want to be a mother” – You must respect this decision
There are couples who think in the same different way and choose not to have children, but in view of this decision, they have to face questions and pressure from family , friends and strangers for some years . There are couples who have a more busy life routine, who like to travel, have fun and believe that having a child does not match the choice they made.
It is natural that differences exist, but they need to be respected, the decision not to have children rests solely with the woman and the couple, questions from time to time about this decision are as unpleasant as “When will you have a second child ?”.
Being a woman is not limited to motherhood , it is a personal decision that must be made based on what makes the woman feel safe, especially with herself.
But what if the woman wants to have children but is very afraid?
If the woman wants to be a mother, but cultivates fears , it is essential that she seek psychological support, as this fear can be related to issues even linked to her own childhood. Many women are afraid of experiencing pain at the time of delivery, in fact, there is a name for cases of phobia at childbirth (tocophobia). According to the fear and stage, the ideal is that an appropriate treatment is performed.
A pregnancy without the woman feeling prepared or free from fear can bring even more problems. It is essential that the partner also provide a lot of support to the woman, through dialogues and even sharing their own fears, after all, it is not only women who fear motherhood, many men are not comfortable with the idea of being a father .
There are some women who say ‘I don’t want children’ who are concerned with generating a life even before conception. They are afraid that they will not be able to protect their children as a mother should, but this is only a sign that motherhood is an exercise that can be performed with mastery. It is this love and care for the baby to grow and be happy that make so many women extraordinary mothers.
See also: My Husband Doesn’t Want Children
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.