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Daniela is pregnant and now faces a reality very different from what she had dreamed of for her pregnancy, see!
Every day, when I wake up, I look at my belly. That obsessive one, to see if the baby has grown, if I look pregnant, if the belly is bigger today than yesterday… And I always get a little worried: “ It is smaller. Am I still pregnant? Is everything okay with the baby? ”Neuras… Many neuras.
It’s just that I already lost a baby. Almost a year ago, I had a missed abortion . Retained abortion is like this: you don’t even imagine it, but when you do the ultrasound, the baby, who you saw beautiful and healthy on the previous ultrasound and whose little heart you heard, thrilled, pulsated, is out of heartbeat. And you stay there, not knowing what to do with that news that was the last one you expected to receive when you invited, all excited, your husband to see, for the first time, the baby. Not knowing what to do with you, the crying that got stuck, the throat that got dry, the eyes of the husband, that you don’t want to face, the floor that you can’t find, the hours, days, weeks that you will have to face , loneliness and emptiness, which will always remind you.
It was painful. For us both. And the journey to the second pregnancy was long and full of ups and downs.
But she arrived, and in the third month, there was also a little scary news: I would have to undergo a cerclage (a surgery that gives stitches on the cervix, which due to some physiological flaw, is not properly closed, increasing the risk of late abortion or premature birth). Along with cerclage, the recommendation for rest.
I went through the surgery and now I am “enjoying” the rest. I keep thinking about the things that I, as pregnant, will miss: parade my belly around, use the preferential line, take those classic photos with big bellies on the beach, wear pregnant clothes, buy my baby’s trousseau, do a lot of tea partying baby … but none of that shakes me. Of course, this was not my plan when I imagined myself pregnant. But I am happy with each ultrasound when I hear my baby’s heart beating, I see his little legs and arms moving, his weight increasing… Now that I feel his movements– which, in my case, come with a sharp little pain in the womb, as a result of the surgery – I feel confident and calm: my baby is strong and healthy. Pregnancy is a short period, soon my baby will be here and all this anguish will be over, it will have been worth it. And I, I’m sure, will forget everything the minute I hold him in my arms.
Today, 4 months pregnant, 5 months of rest awaiting me ahead, as I go through this mysterious journey and despite the difficulties that the path may present me, I feel special and powerful: I am generating a new life. We women have superpowers – we are superheroines : we have the gift of forming a new being within us. There is no greater or more rewarding miracle. Everything else becomes small and insignificant in the face of this honor and privilege. And all my pains, my annoyances, my losses, my fears, my insecurities and my battles are lost and disarmed before this delicious prospect: in 5 months, I will be a mother.
And I cannot refrain from smiling.
See also: The Pain of Loss – Monique
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.
