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The baby, when very young, still has no idea of the existence of things around him. But just like in anyone’s life, babies also go through phases. Around six months of life he begins to perceive not only the things that surround him, but to recognize the people with whom he lives.
And the maternal bond in this phase becomes even stronger for children, as they feel more connected with the mother. In a minute that she is away it will not be understood like that for the baby, he has the feeling that he will not see her anymore, that’s why the intense crying when they distance themselves.
At the same time that he becomes aware of everything that surrounds him, the baby also becomes more independent, trying to do things his own way. He begins to perceive the world and wants to explore it. This phase of perception of the baby is called Separation Anxiety or Separation Anguish . And it is a phase that requires a little more patience, as it can be a difficult phase for both the baby and the parents.
Separation Anxiety Symptoms
In this phase, which starts at around 6 months, the baby who used to go to everyone’s lap , especially those closest to him, now doesn’t want to know anybody else except his father or mother, in this case more specifically of the mother.
The baby becomes aware of the people and things around him, and thus realizes that he and his mother are not one person. This perception that he acquired the anguish, because even though he perceives the existence of things and people, the baby still does not understand it very well.
Because he does not understand the existence of things and people and much less to differentiate them, even though he is in his field of vision, the baby ends up being confused. The mother’s absence generates anguish and causes the baby to cry constantly and to stop crying when he sees her again. The mother’s return brings instant tranquility to the baby.
The mother is the baby’s comfort and safe haven, when they are born they already have a bond between them that gets stronger and stronger. As the little ones develop their perception increases , and they soon realize when they are separated from their mothers.
It is a phase that begins around 4 months of life and intensifies even after 6 months. As the mother moves away, the feeling that will predominate will be anxiety when she notices that she is not around.
Babies having this awareness start to cry and will quickly discover that through crying they will be promptly taken care of by their mother. This is how the understanding is born that every action will always have a reaction , and that by reacting the things that do not please you will be resolved after crying.
IMPORTANT: If the baby is crying a lot and apparently for no reason, it is recommended to talk to the pediatrician. There may often be something going on that needs more detailed investigation.
It is important that during this phase the mother demonstrates to the baby that she can be absent, but will return soon. Sneaking out does not facilitate the process as some think. It is necessary for her to make him realize that he will always be there, even if he has to go out, go to the bathroom or do other tasks, including domestic ones. He will cry and it will not be the end of the world, and remember that this is just one of the processes of change that he will have throughout his life.
You don’t have to let him cry for hours on end, just make him realize that not everything is as expected and, therefore, it is necessary to learn to endure when something is beyond your own will. The baby will become more independent and its identity will begin to be created, because that is what changes do to people, they shape it according to the intensity of that change.
Separation Process
The baby will go through phases, and separation anxiety will also have phases and will vary from less intense to more intense.
1 to 6 months
During the first few months, as has already been said, the baby has no concept of how things are perceived , let alone people. The baby will begin to notice things around him around four months, when he will also become more independent. He will notice when the mother is absent or other people with whom he is attached, he will cry because he thinks he will no longer see them and he will also realize that his crying sometimes works as a solution to his anguish, since someone will instantly appear to assist him.
From 7 months to 1 year
At 7 months the baby’s perception will be even more acute and therefore more independent, as he is already aware of his existence . And in this phase of Separation Anxiety or Separation Anguish it becomes even more intense, because at the same time that he is more independent, he is also more dependent.
Independent because he starts to perceive the world and wants to explore it and dependent because he is aware of the things and people around him and knows, therefore, that they exist.
From 1 to 2 years
Babies here can already perceive and identify, for example, that their reflection in the mirror is him. At that age he will still cry and it will be like this until around 2 years old. It will be less intense than in the first few months, but still, he may have a tantrum or cry when he leaves or when he leaves him at daycare, for example. However, at this stage the baby already understands that even if he leaves, the mother will return.
From 2 to 3 years
Here the baby will be walking almost perfectly, and consequently his independence will increase . Soon, separation anxiety will have diminished as the baby will be increasingly busy wanting to explore the world around him.
How to Reduce Baby Separation Anxiety
It is normal for the baby to cry when he notices that the mother is not around, just as it is normal for him to try to get used to the situation and know that the mother will be back soon. However, to think that going out of hiding will be better for the baby is wrong! As soon as he realizes he will start crying and with that he will also lose confidence in his mother .
So, when you have to leave, leave, but say goodbye to the baby face to face even if he cries, because in time he will understand and will start to trust that the mother will, but returns. Another interesting tip is that the mother does not stop doing the things she has to do on her own, do whatever you have to do, like going out, showering or washing the dishes.
The baby may start to cry and it will be natural, the world will not end it. Even if he wants to pick him up, it is important that he get used to it and understand that even if the mother is not in his field of vision, she will remain close or that she will return soon.
However, especially in the first months of the baby, when they cry do not leave them without protection. As stated earlier, babies still do not understand things and are unaware of the existence of themselves and others. So if he cries a lot it is for some reason like hunger, thirst or pain.
It is important that you calm down, as babies feel safe when cherished by their parents, and thus have more confidence. This confidence will help you to build your own identity and to go through all the stages without trauma.
See Also: Baby Growth and Its Crises
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.
