We have already talked about the life of a single mother and even what life is like for a single father, as well as the situation of being the son of separate parents . But and when there is an agreement on raising children and shared custody of children is the parent’s option to raise it, how does it work? Is it really the best choice for children?
Child custody during divorce
In the past, during a divorce, an issue that came under discussion beyond all separation of property was the custody of the children. In 90% of the cases it was left to the mothers, shared custody was not even considered, stipulating the period of visits by the father that could happen on weekends or fortnightly.
However, all responsibility for education as well as the care of children was left to the sole responsibility of the woman, overloading her and even generating discussions between the parents about the educational procedures taken, whether right or wrong.
Shared custody, which was previously applied only in isolated cases by the judge , became a common procedure and offered parents in the process of divorce to continue their direct relationship with their children, without the child losing the presence of either parent even after separation. An issue that brings a lot of doubt to people on the subject, is the issue of the child having two houses, two bedrooms, two different routines, when in fact the shared custody does not have this focus.
What is Shared Guard
Even with shared custody, the child can continue to live in a single house and have their care divided by their parents, the idea is not to give two lives or divide their life into two parts. Of course, each case is different! But the idea of moving the child from one place to another and living in a place each week is not seen as a healthy act.
The idea of shared custody is actually in the division of responsibilities and care for the child in his day-to-day life, giving the father greater flexibility in living with his children that before would have been with a scheduled date and time.
When shared custody has a division in life, where the child stays for a period in the mother’s house and another period in the father’s house, the name of alternate coexistence is gained. It is one of the possibilities existing within the shared custody, but not very indicated, aiming that the child may lose his references since he will not have a fixed residence.
Regarding alimony, which is one of the mothers’ biggest doubts, nothing is changed with shared custody. After all, even if the father is present daily, the amount directed to the alimony is for the expenses with the child and their care and if expenses are necessary with more expenses, it should be discussed and agreed between those who assume and pay what between the parents .
Parents Who Decide on Shared Guard?
It is also worth noting that the acceptance of shared custody does not depend on the agreement of the parents or the good relationship between them, currently it is a recommendation or requirement of the judge himself aiming at the contact of the children with their parents so that it does not affect the connection between both sides.
As for the education of the children, as well as their eating habits and everything that involves the child’s life, it must be discussed between the parents and an agreement must be formed so that it will not generate future problems. Common sense as well as the desire to see your children happy is fundamental for a couple that makes shared custody live in peace.
Problems with Shared Guard
When it involves raising children in shared custody, we will obviously have problems. However, it is much easier to have dialogue between the parents and try to find a solution amicably, without emotional distress for both. It is very common to see mothers complaining that they do not like the food offered by the parents while they are with them or that they do not find the father’s way of life as well as the environment in which he lives legal.
Frequented Locations with Children and Third Person
Another complaint of shared custody is about the places you go when you are in the company of your children or even if you are taken care of by a third person, which may be a new girlfriend or even uncles and grandparents. The best way is to report what you don’t like and make it clear what is bothering you and try to come up with a good solution for both of them, after all the method of raising children should occur in common agreement.
But this dialogue and understanding is not always possible to resolve the situation, which ends up causing weariness on the dissatisfied side and even unconsciously speaking ill of the father or the situation, causing parental alienation . That is why, in cases where the diary is soon discarded, the best solution is to seek justice and to be placed before a judge the situations so that they are analyzed in the best way, always aiming at the best for the children.
Shared custody focuses on continuing the child’s life without being affected by parental separation . Therefore, the disagreements between the ex-couple should not be shared with the children, let alone hear unnecessary outburst. Good parents care about their children and struggle to give a life of peace, love and affection, even if it has to happen in two different houses.
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.