All parents at some stage of their children, will have to face somewhat delicate situations, especially with the children’s behavior. In some cases generated even because of their way of dealing with them since babies, as in the case of the child who screams.
Where It All Begins
The child cries, does so because he learned that the loud cries give them power . For example, if she screams because she wants something, the parents immediately try to understand the reason for the screaming, thus giving the attention that the child wanted. Sometimes, to calm her down, her parents end up satisfying her requests.
If so, the screaming child’s brain will register that screaming is beneficial . In other words, the brain processes these interactions in the following way: “I scream and make Mom or Dad focus on me!” (Which can be even better if the siblings are competing for their parents’ attention).
And since the screaming child maintains his fanfare for much longer than the adult can bear, then he controls the situation . When the child’s brain finds out that screaming, screaming and screaming can be beneficial, this becomes enough incentive for him to do it all the time.
Often, parents will find reasons to justify the screams: “she is tired, or she is nervous”, or else “she screams because she doesn’t know how to speak!”. Okay, all of these reasons may be true, but it is not because of them that the child chooses to scream. On the contrary, it screams because it is the most powerful weapon in its arsenal.
In addition, a child does not scream because he has not yet developed the language. When that same child is happy, he is not screaming, is he? In other words, she still doesn’t speak, but she communicates differently when she is happy.
So, we may be encouraging screams without even realizing it. But the good news is that if we change the way we react to the child who screams, we can also change his attitude.
How to Deal with the Nervous Child?
Yelling at the child to shut up will not help, on the contrary, it will only send the message that whoever screams the loudest is the one who wins. The best option is to avoid situations that make the nervous child scream, and divert your attention when he starts.
For this, some tips can be very effective:
Program yourself before you leave the house – It is not always possible to know what your child needs, but whenever you can, make sure he is well rested and fed before leaving the house.
Keep an eye out for quiet restaurants – when parents need to take their children out to dinner, it’s important to avoid places that are too hot, intimate or too formal for dinner. Instead, choose places where you will meet other families. If the child who yells starts his “show” the parents will be less embarrassed and less likely to reinforce their behavior by making them calm down.
Be patient – If the child is screaming because he is happy, try not to comment or criticize. But if it’s really bothering you, lower your voice so that she has to calm down to hear you.
Play a game – try to do something where the child who screams can vent his need to scream. Say, “Let’s scream as loudly as possible,” and then join her to tear up some papers. Soon after, convince her to turn down the volume by saying: “Now it’s time to see who can speak very softly”. Then, as in a game, switch to other movements, such as placing your hands over your ears or making gestures with your index finger over your lips. This makes screaming seem like just one of the many fun things she can do.
Of course, this game works best at home. If they’re in public, you can try a quieter game, like saying, “Oh, you look like a roaring lion! How about a kitten? ” If the child is willing to play, he can use other quiet animals to imitate.
Acknowledge your feelings – If the screaming child wants attention, it is important for parents to ask themselves if they are uncomfortable or overwhelmed. In a supermarket full of people, for example, the environment may be too much for her. If you can postpone the shopping and take it home great, if not, at the very least, do the shopping as soon as possible.
If the parents notice that she is a little upset or irritated, acknowledge her feelings. Calmly say, “I know you want to go home, but it will be a few more minutes and we will be going.” It will not only be comforting to know what you are feeling, but it will also help you learn to put your feelings into words.
If they know that the child is going to scream because he wants to eat the cookie before going to the cashier, the advice is: don’t give in. Giving her what she wants when she screams only reinforces her behavior. Instead, explain calmly: “I know you want the cookie, but we have to finish shopping first. You can eat it as soon as we pay for it ”.
Keep her busy – parents can do more fun tasks with the screaming child by engaging them in an activity. Explaining what they are doing, what is going on around them and who is close, makes the child busy observing the things around him, forgetting to scream. Parents can also ask to help them choose things on the supermarket shelves or, ultimately, have a favorite toy to keep them busy while shopping.
For many parents, the hardest part of dealing with a nervous, screaming child is ignoring other people’s disapproving looks. But that shouldn’t be a problem, as these people have already gone through or are sure to go through it one day.
If you still have difficulties in resolving the embarrassing situations you are experiencing, in addition to stress with the nervous child, look for a child therapy specialist who will be able to offer a more appropriate follow-up and treatment to the case.
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.