On these days I saw a huge outburst on Facebook. It was a girl saying that she loved her son very much, but that she hated being a mother. She hated it because everything that was happening to her in the recent 40-day maternity ward was being too exhausting. There were things like breastfeeding difficulties ( pain, split breast, long breastfeeding …), sleepless nights, someone’s guess … Anyway, difficulties in the beginning of motherhood that almost nobody talks about, and I really think that nobody said the “bad” side to Is it over there. After all, in pregnancy it’s almost all glamor.
You are pampered by all family members and just focus on the layette, preparing the room, checking the maternity ward and other details for the baby’s arrival. The few who try to warn about the difficulties of the life of a new mother, may be frowned upon by the pregnant woman. After all, who dares to say that maternal life is a pain in the ass? That would be a crime! Motherhood is too romanticized, especially people with public life who make their new maternal lives an affront so perfect in the eyes of merely mortal people like us. Easy to see in Caras magazine, that Débora Secco had her belly dry even before her daughter’s second month. It is unfair to “real” mothers, this type of news because each woman, each individual has a different biotype.
Still, motherhood is an incredible time! It is beautiful to see the miracle of God happen in our lives, to get pregnant, to generate, to nourish and to give birth. However, that moment will become too real after the baby is born. Along with the baby come several responsibilities with a new helpless being, a new routine, adaptation, a body you don’t recognize in the mirror, huge and sore breasts, burning, cracked nipples. The woman feels sweaty and smells like milk all the time, insecurity can take over, and this can cause huge bouts of frustration and anguish at not being able to be a good mother. These are the reasons for these crises, but they can also be diverse, from a distorted expectation of having a newborn baby, a romantic impression of what it means to be a mother, to a serious health problem such as postpartum depression.
After birth, the mother undergoes a sudden change in hormones in the body. The drop in a stratospheric amount of progesterone, estrogen and the flood of oxytocin and prolactin, can cause deep sadness in women. It is possible to be tearful and feeling like real trash! Thinking that everyone abandoned you even receiving affection from the husband and family. If this sadness and anguish lasts more than 15 days, you need to check if it is a case of postpartum depression . In fact, depression can start in pregnancy and needs to be treated as soon as possible. So if the pregnant woman is feeling scared and almost unable to become a mother, it is necessary to check if there is a picture of depression.
The important thing to say is that the baby depends 100% on who cares, in this first moment of life the mother is the best and main caregiver. Life turns upside down yes! With heels and perfumes and makeup, the woman starts to live day to day between diapers and baby clothes. It seems that we have become someone else, fact. The identity may be too confused at this point. Where’s the me that was here before? Will I never be as I was before I gave birth? Why did I have a son? I am a terrible mother, I regret having changed my life so much … Thoughts that can really stun the new mother on the block.
Speaking of life changes, is it true that I will never be the same person again? Will I never have the same life again? Is all this a great exaggeration for those who live real motherhood and throw themselves headlong into this world, forgetting about everything else around? The fact is that the changes that motherhood brings to women are impressive. The nights of sleep will never be more carefree than before having children, we get too light sleep and any grumbling of the baby is cause for jitters at dawn. What about colic? Seeing your child screaming in pain is not at all pleasant and even doing what is within reach may not be enough and watching your child suffer, it hurts too much.
In the first months (why not say years) we started to live at the mercy of the baby’s will 24 hours a day. The adaptation of the first child or women to readjust to the new routine after having large children is very difficult. Let us say that the right to come and go, especially when breastfeeding, is cut off without notice and this affects the psychological aspects of the woman . I think younger girls can feel that phase much more than older women. Failing to go out with friends and miss some ballads can affect the young mother even unconsciously. I want my life back! Sleep whenever you want, wake up whenever you want and everything you did spontaneously back. Now even for a simple pee, life gets very complicated. Seems exaggeration? Perhaps, but not so much.
Responsibility is also a major factor. I even had panic attacks because I thought that if something happened to me, my children would be helpless! It was a very difficult time for all of us at home. In the first months of my firstborn, I literally became a zombie!
I didn’t sleep, I barely ate, I couldn’t do anything right at home (lack of time), I was stressed, in a bad mood, with no sexual appetite, disheveled, nails without sanding and without doing … It was a real terror!
But passed. Today more adapted to the condition of mother of 3, I feel more secure to be able to accomplish everything I propose. Allowing me to delegate to my husband and grandparents, a little bit of baby care, of course, going through the breastfeeding phase did me a lot of good. I also gave myself the right to talk to a doctor about everything I felt and specifically in my case, I needed help and it came at a good time. With time everything got settled and I managed to see myself as a competent mother and I realized many things that I didn’t even imagine and still give.
Certainly this most critical phase passes. Feeling small in the face of the challenge is normal! But a good help is to try not to romanticize motherhood. Knowing that it is full of challenges and work is very important. Knowing that it is important to delegate responsibility is also essential. The house, the clothes, the food, if you can’t do it, ask for help and don’t be ashamed of it . You won’t be labeled lazy if you tell your mother, mother-in-law or friend that you can’t handle it, and if there is no other way, hire someone to help you, at least in these critical first months of motherhood.
Super Mom? It is easy to talk about it, the difficult thing is to be mortal enough to admit that real motherhood is not at all glamorous as many say and demonstrate. Perfect Instagram and Facebook mothers, forgive me, but motherhood is one of the worst and best phases of a woman’s life, everything is a matter of adaptation, point of view and who knows a good treatment indicated by a good doctor.
Author’s note: These bad phases all pass at one time or another. However, it is important to say that no mother loves her children less because she feels tired. We are human beings and we all have limits, mainly for tiredness. In doubt? disregard any zucchini that comes out of the mouth of a newly born woman who may offend, or even a very tired mother with her sick children. I guarantee that life will be much better.
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.