Complicated subject is not it? And when someone points this out to a mother it is even a reason to feel offended by imagining that she is making a difference between her children. But is that really not the case? Could it be that we mothers, even though without realizing it, we have no preference for a child? And the answer is yes !!
You will hardly see a father or mother take over your preference, but that there is a favorite child that exists, at least in most homes! What parents do not understand is that this should not be viewed with guilt or with a feeling of contempt for other children , but as greater identification with one of them. Fact that occurs within family environments, at work, in the circle of friends, where we always have that individual that we most identify with either in tastes or even in the subjects discussed.
The fact that you have a preference for a child does not mean that you do not love others or that you like them less. Everything is a matter of empathy between human beings and this must be seen in a natural way.Children inherit some visions and tastes similar to ours, and we end up identifying ourselves with the things we like to do. For example, you love movies and one of your children is passionate about cinema, obviously you will have popcorn sessions together and if the other child doesn’t like it that much, he will be left out. But you can find similar tastes to the other child and make isolated programs with him too. It is worth remembering that spending a period alone with the children, giving unique attention to each of them separately makes a difference however in the relationship of parents and children. In addition to strengthening friendship and complicity, it is wonderful to be able to have fun with what we love the most in this world.
And When Does the Other Son Feel Jealous of the Favorite?
Everything in life must have a balance, and it is no different in family relationships. Having a preference for a child, because of the affinity in tastes, is quite natural as long as it does not affect the interaction and relationship with the other children. Many people complain and even point out different situations during their childhood, where they clearly felt the difference between their parents and their siblings. But how to prevent this from happening?
The mistake is not to have greater affinity with one of them, but to deal with a difference in education and daily treatment between them. Parents should take extra care with this and pay attention to giving exactly the same education, advice and guidance to everyone, even if they are children with completely different behaviors. Allow yourself to spend periods with those who have less affinity, you will surely find fun programs to carry out together and that will further strengthen the relationship.
When parents are unable to separate this preference for a child in the education of everyone, consequences inevitably occur in the behavior of others. The preferred child will grow up with the feeling of manipulation, that everything canand when it doesn’t, it will go through a process of frustration. Many of these children show aggressive behavior in adulthood and suffer from depressive conditions because they have difficulty accepting changes and situations that are beyond their reach. The children who feel jealous of the favorite, create a certain “shell” to protect themselves, problems with self-esteem and have difficulty in living with family members, having a greater connection with the outside world and trusting friends much more than their parents which can generate much bigger problems because they are influenced by others.
Most children, when they feel this difference, usually expose the situation even if “playing” in some opportunities. We parents must be alert to signals and calls for help, even if indirectly . Having a preference for a child or having a greater affinity with one of them does not mean that we love more than the others. That is why coexistence, education, respect, demands and even ear tugs must be distributed equally and uniquely to everyone.
Photos: Waldryano, TawnyNina
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.