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While my positive didn’t come, what I thought and questioned most was if my time to get pregnant would never come. And look, I already had children! I charged myself and suffered thinking if there was something wrong with me, with my husband or even if I was deserving. Sometimes I caught myself thinking about what I had done wrong in life by going through all this waiting, anguish and also demands.
The suffering was intense! I who already had a daughter was having a hard time, I keep thinking about these girls who dream so much about having a baby and are not yet mothers, the feeling must be much more intense. The doctors said that my husband and I were fertile since we had already become pregnant twice. But that thought that there was something wrong did not leave my head!
Charging and anxiety is what we have to save ourselves from, but if it is already present, learn from the mistakes it induces.
It was an endless nightmare, this agonizing and torturous wait… At the end of some time, as a temptant, I drew a conclusion from all this, is it worth it to get hurt in search of a dream that was promised by God? So many women got pregnant and I was left behind! Many did not even want to get pregnant and some even thought about having an abortion due to the situation they were in and I wondered, why Lord? Am I that I want a baby so much I am not worthy? Will my time ever come? Then something inside me changed, I had the help of an angel in one of the worst moments of recovery as a woman, as a wife and also as a mother! A very wise friend once said to me:
If the will arose in your heart, it was because God allowed it! He will never forsake you …
Altogether it was 7 years of trying and only in the last year as a tentative did I feel more comforted and less anxious. I let the previous experiences comfort me and I think that’s when everything started to flow. I also think that all the problems that I caused myself to get pregnant, served to make me more resistant to unforeseen circumstances and situations in which we cannot control. Getting pregnant beyond ourselves (the couple) depends on a greater force! God’s love for his children is wise and he sends the blessing at the right time, neither before nor after.
I also remember so many tears that I shed so many moments of emotional distress that I did not live the moment fully. I stopped having so many wonderful experiences in various situations that even today I do not forgive myself, but I try to remember everything as a great lesson in life. All I learned was that waiting is an exercise to be better people. The science of waiting and having life changed by a small being is very efficient, I really think that God prepares us so that we can love another person more than ourselves and that is what these waiting moments are for.
God has not forgotten you, he is just molding you to receive with deserve and great joy the positive dream!
See also: Confession of the Tentant’s Life – The Pain of Waiting
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.
