My Chemical Pregnancy – Tania Nunis

Tania Mum from Paloma, 4 years old.

After the scare of a positive pregnancy test, the days of joy came, of plans for the future with a new family member. Happiness shared with friends and relatives. It was my second pregnancy, 4 years after my daughter was born. Six days after the discovery, I had a bleed and inevitably , I despaired and went to the emergency room. There, I underwent a blood test to measure beta HCG and ultrasound, where the doctor said he couldn’t see anything inside the uterus, but he saw something that looked like a gestational sac outside the uterus, that is, I had an ectopic pregnancy or was expelling the embryo.

After being medicated, I went to the doctor’s office to assess the emergency room physician. I expected to hear several things from this doctor. While taking the medication, I imagined several phrases that he could speak to me. To my surprise, he told me the only sentence I didn’t imagine him saying : “ your beta HCG was negative, that is, you are not pregnant and you never were. This bleeding is not an abortion, but a delayed menstruation. Your previous positive test must have been wrong. As for the doctor who did the ultrasound, he must have invented that gestational bag, since you arrived with a suspected abortion, he needed to give you a position. Thank you, have a good time! 

So wait a minute … I celebrated existence, I planned life, I cried horribly at the loss of a baby that never existed? Me, my GO and the ultrasound doctor, we are three crazy people, is that it? When I heard it, I didn’t have the strength to argue, because he was so cold, so insensitive, so cruel… He saw me crying over the pain of losing a child and simply told me that my son never existed. I was even embarrassed, thinking that he might be right, but there was something wrong.

I was sure I was pregnant. I saw my positive result and I know my body better than anyone. I have menstruated many times and I knew that this was not my delayed period. It was different, the color, the quantity, the appearance … Everything was different. I knew that those tears were not due to the loss of someone who did not exist. They were not. I know it existed, I felt its existence, physically and spiritually . But how to prove to myself that I am not crazy, that my opinion is valid and that of the doctor, a “professional”, no.

I got home and I couldn’t settle for it. I was not crazy, my pregnancy existed. I started doing research on the subject. Search for stories and testimonies similar to mine. And I found it, chemical pregnancy! That is the name given to early abortion. When fertilization occurs, but the embryo does not develop, thus causing the HCG dosage to decrease until zero. Where bleeding occurs, which is definitely not the same as menstruation . In my case, the blood had a brighter, lighter color. It had small clots and had a more intense flow than normal.

After three long days, in consultation with my GO, she confirmed the chemical pregnancy, by the characteristics and details that I described to her. I was very devastated by all this … With the loss, with the moral violence I suffered from the doctor , with the doubts that arose (including in relation to my sanity). Anyway, today I am living my grief. Yes, I am in mourning, although many people try to console me, saying that other babies will soon come. I’m in mourning for the one who’s gone now and who won’t be coming back, even if one more, or two, or several come. What the doctors called an embryo, a gestational sac, or even denied its existence, for me was my son . I already had possible names, I already had love, and a special place in my heart and it will always be there.

See also: Is it possible to get pregnant without menstruating?

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My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.

Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.

Dr. Alexis Hart

My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother. Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.

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