This is a very delicate topic and one that requires a lot of attention in its approach due to all the complexity of feelings that are related to this situation. If you have been through this or know someone close to you who has had an abortion, you know what we are talking about.
A miscarriage has several causes, which can be related to the woman’s age, genetic factors or even infections. Usually, spontaneous abortion occurs due to the abnormal development of the fetus and, therefore, the body itself is in charge of eliminating it . Therefore, it is important to follow up with a doctor in order to assess whether there are any risk factors for miscarriage, and in case of any sign of miscarriage , medical help should be sought urgently.
This is a very difficult situation for everyone who faces it. The dream of being a mother is interrupted and, due to the complications that involve this situation, in many cases psychological monitoring is necessary in order to provide greater support to the woman who goes through it.
A different grief
Some people may think that because the pregnancy was short, there is no reason why the couple should feel sad about the loss. Little do they know that, even though it was not a pregnancy that went on until the end, people idealize and create expectations for their child from the moment they receive the positive result.
Spontaneous abortion will cause a different type of mourning than the one we suffer for those we already know. It is a mourning of a future , that is, a mourning of the expectations that were deposited in that pregnancy. Not only the physical pain of abortion itself, but also the procedures that need to be done, are aspects that make the situation even more difficult.
It is important to remember that there is no “right way” to deal with this situation. People react in different ways and, even a spontaneous abortion early in the pregnancy, can be enough to have a profound impact, as it depends on the attachment and bond that had already been created with the future baby.
Likewise, there is no pre-established time that tells how long to mourn this lost pregnancy. It may be that, even when the woman begins to feel well, some moments are more difficult to deal with, for example, when the first menstruation occurs after the abortion, or when it is known that another person is pregnant.
It is important to take into account the partner’s feelings as well. It may be that they both feel the loss differently, but that does not mean that one feels more than the other. It may be that in one day the woman is feeling a little better, but the partner is not, and vice versa. Or it may even be that the man perceives the situation much more heavily, since most of the attention is usually directed to the woman, and his feelings can often be ignored.
Other related symptoms
A spontaneous abortion can be a trigger of mental problems due to all the turmoil of feelings that surround this situation and, therefore, it has been related to psychiatric conditions such as anxiety, depression and post-traumatic stress . This is not to say that everyone who goes through a miscarriage will develop any of these conditions, but there are greater chances of having related symptoms.
In addition, other symptoms such as those listed below may be present:
- Panic attacks: feeling that you are disconnected and out of control, with high heart rate, sweating and difficulty breathing.
- Insomnia or sleeping problems: you cannot “disconnect” and are worried about the problem all the time.
- Nightmares: It is common to have nightmares about the situation you went through.
- Constant tiredness: even if you managed to sleep well, you often feel tired.
How to get help?
It can be difficult to seek help after having a miscarriage. We often think that we will be able to handle everything on our own, but this is not always possible. Having someone to talk about the situation is of great importance to alleviate all the pain that an abortion can bring.
It is important that we know who to ask for help or who to let off steam, because sometimes the people around can make comments in order to help, but end up minimizing the situation . Even though such comments are sometimes made in the best of intentions, they can hurt. Phrases like “At least you are still young”, “Maybe it was not supposed to be” or “There is still time to try again” are painful to hear and greatly affect those who are going through this.
The psychotherapy can be a solution for those who want to find support and support to get through it. Many women choose other possibilities, such as writing and telling their stories through blogs as a way to ease the pain and share their experiences. It is also possible to find support groups , whether online or not, as well as discussion forums on the topic. They allow the outburst and sharing of experiences, relieving the feeling of loneliness when going through it.
Finding the right way to get through this is not really an easy task, but as you can see, each person can find their own unique way of dealing with the situation! The important thing is not to go through this alone. So be kind to yourself and seek the help you need so that the burden is not so heavy.
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.