Does it sometimes seem like your kids are a mystery to you? That, no matter what you do as a parent, it doesn’t seem to work for them? If so, you may be dealing with more than meets the eye.
While it is perfectly normal for children to sometimes become temperamental, withdrawn, irritable, sad or even frankly hostile, if they are showing consistent patterns of behavior , it may be time to examine the possibility that he is an insecure child.
It is important not to forget that an insecure child, in addition to his own genetic inheritance , is defined by experiences that he suffered throughout his childhood and that were not treated, understood or recognized correctly.
What Causes an Insecure Child?
It is common for an insecure child to avoid doing something for fear of failing . When a child feels he has few skills in a specific area, such as studies, sports or social relationships, he tends to be prepared for disaster.
As a result, she avoids any activity that she thinks will fail . An insecure child begins to withdraw from certain situations and when these feelings of inferiority become generalized, he may begin to feel insecure in all aspects of his life.
An insecure child may experience emotions that can produce states of sadness, anxiety and even much more serious conditions , such as social isolation, depression or guilt, if these are not detected and treated over time.
Main Causes That Generate Insecurity
A traumatic episode can be the source of an insecure child. The causes can be varied as:
- The death of a pet,
- The parents’ divorce ;
- The arrival of a brother ;
- A new school;
- A presentation at school;
- City change
We must never forget that routine is the source of security for the little ones . Stability in the first years of life is essential. Therefore, it is necessary for parents, guardians and educators to be understanding and empathetic in these situations and to recognize the importance of stability for the child.
How do you know if you are an insecure child?
Each child learns at their own pace , but it is very important that the family is aware to recognize the signs of an insecure child. If the child shows an exaggerated fear of failures and mistakes.
If she has little motivation to mix or play; if she doesn’t show enthusiasm or interest in the classes; if you accept criticism or observations very badly and if, despite trying to study, the results are not satisfactory, these are clear signs that insecurity is harming the child.
The sooner we recognize that a child is struggling with insecurity, the easier it will be to observe it and thus reestablish it in its behavior.
Visible Signs of Insecurity
There are more visible signs that reveal an insecure child:
Emotional maladjustments : if shyness is observed when around people at school and even an excessive need for affection and attention, this can be a symptom of insecurity.
Altered personal hygiene : if the child is overly dependent on his parents for personal hygiene, he may be showing that he feels insecure in doing a certain task.
Sleep alteration : sleep, as well as food, are basic parts of the development of each child. The insecure child has trouble falling asleep, is upset when going to bed, has constant nightmares.
Changes in food : An insecure child loses his appetite, vomits the times they are pressured to eat and are even unable to use cutlery. This is one of the clearest clues.
Vague behaviors and poor performance : Vague behaviors, such as radical changes in your attitude while practicing group activities or feeling very sad and frustrated at school, thus reducing your school performance, may show a common pattern of insecure children.
Solitary social behavior : a child who prefers to be alone, isolates himself both in the family environment and in society, who does not like to communicate may be developing insecurities.
Low self-esteem : the insecure child avoids any activity that puts his skills in question. She tends to constantly say that she has no special skills.
Other characteristics of an insecure child can include:
- Avoid eye contact, smile or cry inconsolably
- Avoid physical contact
- Perform self-comforting acts, such as swinging your legs, biting nails or sucking your thumb.
- Need to be in charge and control situations
How to Help the Insecure Child
Once we have the diagnosis and detect insecurity in a child, it is time to understand him in order to be able to reestablish his behavior little by little.
The first thing that parents should do is stay calm . Children receive an enormous amount of stimulus during childhood and may experience different stages of insecurity.
It is important to keep in mind that your physical and psychological skills are in the process of being formed. Empathy will be the greatest ally when it comes to understanding an insecure child.
When communication between the insecure child and his parents or guardians is compromised, it is of great value that they are loving and compassionate. Your efforts must be directed towards restoring your confidence and self-esteem . It is essential that parents help the child to break this harmful line of thought.
Parents should increase their self-esteem and show how positive it is to behave in a more active and participatory way. It is highly recommended that you give them responsibilities appropriate to their age and skills.
If the parents do not ask the insecure child to do anything, they are reinforcing their belief that they do not trust him. If they ask too much of her and demand too much, they will also make her feel bad because they will be reinforcing her image as a person with a lack of talents and skills.
Obviously, we must keep an eye on the child’s behavior . It is important to detect which stimuli and situations cause your insecurity, whether at home or at school. In this way, it is possible to orient the situation so that the child finds a more adequate routine.
The affection is very important for the insecure child . Knowing that she is loved and cared for by the people around her, that these people understand her and offer her the kind of peaceful, routine environment she needs is a vital part of her recovery.
Finally, a child psychology specialist will be a great source of support during this period. To deal with an insecure child and to know what needs to be done.
As you can see, understanding a child who suffers from insecurity need not be impossible. You need to fill yourself with patience, affection and empathy and start working to prevent the problem from persisting and getting worse.
See also: Pee on the Bed – Now What?
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.