I was 16, with many dreams and a huge desire to leave the house and get rid of my parents’ demands. I already worked outside and could “come and go” whenever I wanted, but always giving satisfaction at home. That was when I met my first serious boyfriend and with him came the strongest desire to get rid of my parents’ demands.
After 1 year of dating, I decided to shorten the path, without having to wait years of dating, engagement and preparation for me to leave the house, I decided to get pregnant . I confess, I was selfish! I decided to get pregnant without telling my boyfriend about the decision, because maybe he would block my idea and would not allow me to follow up on what I was thinking.
“I wanted to get pregnant to leave the house.”
Like most girls of that age, totally immature I firmly believed that if I got pregnant it would automatically happen. My boyfriend would take over the baby , both his family and mine would support us, everything would be wonderful and my dream would come true.
All I had to do was stop taking the pill for a single month (I told my boyfriend I was taking it), then the menstrual delay came . I confess that I was afraid, I didn’t think it would be so fast and at the same time I thought it could be psychological. I even regretted having made that decision “alone”.
It was at that time that millions of thoughts, fears, concerns came to mind. Did I do it right? What if my boyfriend got mad? How would I tell him that I was not taking the medicine? Would it be better for me to lie and say that the medicine failed? What if he asks me to abort?
At that time I was quite sure that I had made a bad choice, decided to get pregnant without talking to my boyfriend. But now it was too late, I was late ! I didn’t even know what to do, who to talk to, I was alone in this and I wanted to talk to him only if I was sure of the positive.
I bought a pharmacy test and to make sure my mom didn’t see and suspect anything, I decided to do it at my job. I didn’t tell anyone!
It was at lunchtime for the company, few people were in the office and I went to the bathroom. I read the box carefully after all, I had never done it before and the tension took over me. Something I wanted so much now made me doubt if I had done the right thing.
I dipped the strip in the urine and my heart sped up, I started to sweat cold and even before I managed to pass out the result came out. POSITIVE! My God, I really thought it would be negative!
I was frozen, I couldn’t seem to react or even get out of that bathroom. It looked like she had just finished reading the test result, but she had been locked in that bathroom for over 40 minutes. I could only think: what do I do now?
I took a deep breath and left, some people in the company were looking at me worried, while others came to ask if everything was okay. I decided to simply answer that everything was fine. I sat at my table and couldn’t concentrate the rest of the day, just thinking about what I would do from that moment on.
I couldn’t hide for long, I needed to talk to my boyfriend soon. Maybe the fear I was feeling was silly and everything would come out as expected and dreamed of when I made the decision to stop taking the contraceptive .
I called him and asked him to pick me up at work that day, he was surprised , but said he would go. When he left, he was already waiting for me at the company gate. But what had programmed me to tell him on the way home did not go as expected, I did not succeed!
When we got home, we went into my room and said that I needed to tell him something but that I was not getting it and then I would show it. I took the pregnancy test out of my bag and handed it to him . He started laughing and threw the test on the bed and added that saying that in this game he would not fall.
When he realized I wasn’t smiling and was serious, he lost his color! He was silent for a few minutes and I standing there in front of him I confess that I expected a hug , a kiss and a happy celebration after all we were going to have a baby. But it was not that reaction!
He stood up, looked at me in dismay and said: I don’t want to have a child! My legs went limp and I could only think… My God, what did I do?
I tried to calm him down and asked him to think with me, that this would be the opportunity to get married, to have our home and our family, that we would finally be together. And he replied before I finished: – Who said this is what I want? I don’t want to get married now , let alone have a family!
He left and asked me not to call him. Of course, that same night I called many times, tirelessly after all I needed him to be by my side. Unsuccessfully! My mother noticed my distress and wanted to know what was going on and I was in agony, I opened up and told her .
She sat looking at me for a few seconds, smiled in sequence (I think nervous) and then hugged me. I don’t know why, but at that very moment I knew that everything had gone wrong and would not happen as I dreamed.
My boyfriend, the one I dreamed of having a family with and decided to have a child with, disappeared from the map. Her family learned that I was pregnant because my mother told me. They were willing to help with whatever they needed, but they did not hide their dissatisfaction.
My belly grew, but the record that I would soon have a baby had not dropped. This was not how I had imagined it would happen, it was for me to leave the house , to have a new life. But no, I was at my parents’ house, giving them concern and being forced to submit to whatever they decided since I needed them so badly.
At 8 months of gestation, they made a beautiful baby shower with my friends and family. My baby’s father’s family only appeared to the mother, after 8 months I saw her again. It was strange, it seemed like we didn’t know each other anymore.
When I was 38 weeks pregnant, I went into labor and my parents took me to maternity. Unlike the other women that day, I was the only one who didn’t have a partner by the side. My mother stood beside me and holding hands with me , my Isabella came into the world through a cesarean delivery weighing 2,900 kg and 46 cm.
I spent 3 days in that maternity hospital, uncles, cousins and even my ex-mother-in-law visited us, but my baby’s father didn’t show up. I don’t know why that saddened me yet, after all he said at the time that I spoke of the positive that he didn’t want to be a father .
Today, 5 years have passed since my Isabella was born and I admit, it was not easy. My rush to leave the house, having new directions led me to make mistakes. I do not say mistakes for my daughter, who today is the reason for my living, but I say mistakes in acting on impulse , due to my lack of maturity, thinking that things would happen the way I dreamed so easily.
Now 22, I managed to graduate from college thanks to my parents who supported me. I am in the profession that I love and support my daughter through my efforts, but unlike that immature little girl from a few years ago I do not intend to leave them too soon.
If one day you meet someone nice and paint the desire to get married, let it flow naturally and things happen without crazy predictions and above all that is dreamed of by two. I am not in a hurry anymore , I have learned to live today and be happy every minute with what I have.
The ex’s family has little contact with my daughter, I never forbade contact, but also after a while I stopped asking . I think the love she receives from me and mine is so great that it is enough. After all, love is neither begged nor begged.
I am grateful to God for having my parents who support me and I always think about how many girls were not so lucky as me. Even abandoned by my partner during pregnancy, I received full support from those I just wanted to live far away and today I know that without them I would not be able to get here.
See also: Report of Obstetric Violence – Daniela
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.