As a first-time mom, I was very insecure. Dealing with the fears that I had at times even unreasonable and without any help, made me the mother I am today. I went through a lot when I was a first time mom and still today as an experienced mom, I find myself wondering if I could have done a few different things. So I invited the psychologist Ariela Malaquias, from the Psico Materna website to help and clarify the doubts and questions of that time that still echoed in my head. How can a novice mother feel when she finds herself alone with her new condition of life and with so many responsibilities? How to deal with all these changes? Welcome Ariela!
Ariela and her children
Changing Diapers: My fears when pregnant was of not being able to take care of a baby. I felt that everything I knew was not enough and I felt unable to be a mother. What to do in these cases?
Ariela:Every woman when she becomes pregnant finds herself full of fears, anxieties, doubts, and dreams of course. Actually there is no manual on how to be a mother, you only learn to be a mother, being! It is the day-to-day, the look, the touch, the routine, the baby’s crying that will make motherhood flow, little by little you will recognize the crying of a dirty diaper or hunger, or even a simple grumble cold or heat, for example. When we are pregnant, we read a lot to learn, but the truth is that each mother is one, so what often served for one, will not necessarily work for another, because just like the mother, each baby is also unique!
Changing Diapers: How to act when there is no one to give support and support as soon as the baby is born? Many women do not have mothers, in-laws and other relatives or friends to help.
Ariela:Nowadays this is very common. In the past, women came close to giving birth and stayed there with family, with great care, in the villages it is still like that, the Indians are not alone, they help each other. Unfortunately in the city we were excluded from the others, in those hours even the friends disappear, many do not want to bother in the first months, I even agree, but it never hurts to offer to visit and take a snack instead of waiting for the new mother to still have to prepare what to eat … at these times we do not need a “visit”, we need “help” and the help is not necessarily with the baby, because of the baby, you mother is gradually learning to cope, help with the house, or with a kindness to make a meal, a brush in your hair, do your nails, lay out clothes, wash dishes or even talk,
I always emphasize that Mothers need care and support after delivery !!
Changing Diapers: How to deal with dad’s adaptation in the postpartum period?
Ariela: The ideal is for the father to be present during the whole pregnancy, even participating, going to consultations, in the support groups for pregnant women, learning about the baby and about childbirth and the puerperium, which is indeed the most delicate moment! Mothers, demand for baby care from parents, they can, they can, even if they do it wrong in our view, what matters is the contact, affection, attachment with the baby… nobody will do it like us mothers, but they will do it their way, as parents they are! Many fathers are no longer active in these moments because mothers are doing everything themselves because they think they are not able, but they are !! At the maternity hospital, ask him to learn how to bathe, change his diaper, if the delivery is at home, that he be there together, participating !!
Changing Diapers: When I saw myself as a mother, the responsibility came strong, I couldn’t even sleep thinking about the next day, the things I would have to do. How to ease this feeling?
Ariela:After delivery, when we are at home with the baby, everything changes, a new world begins. It is necessary to remain calm and calm, you will be able to handle it, all mothers (saving some complications) will do it! In the beginning a rhythm will be created, you will learn to reconcile the baby’s sleep with your rest, take advantage of the fact that he suckled, let him burp with his father and take a relaxing and peaceful bath. Don’t worry about tomorrow, enjoy now. Get plenty of rest, the nights can be long! Give yourself to this moment, just as it was delivered during pregnancy, you are still one, the baby feels what you feel … so if you get nervous, tense, he will also be able to cry more, he may not be able to feed properly, not sleep right… don’t think about rules, don’t listen to others’ rules, your baby had no rules in his belly, why do you have to have it now ?! Give lap, very lap !! Reassure yourself so you can breastfeed with peace of mind !!
By Ariela Malaquias of the site Psico Materna
Psychologist Clinical of tentants, pregnant women, mothers / babies, couples and families.
Site Fan Page: www.facebook.com/psicomaterna
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.