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Having a child is always a unique and wonderful experience, but in addition to the issues of raising your child, there are also other issues that end up arising from this drastic change in life. One of the main questions is about living with the father in the life of a child and also with the mother when the couple is not together.
Many doubts arise about custody , about who should spend more time with the child, about who should make decisions, among many other things. When thinking about a child’s coexistence with the father, we need to understand things that go beyond these issues, such as the importance of this figure in his psychological formation, for example.
The Importance of the Father in the Formation of a Child
For a child to grow up with good emotional health, managing to cope well with the various situations that life imposes on him, it is of utmost importance that there is the figure of the mother and also that of the father always present. Of course, this is not always possible, for several reasons, but when it is, the two need to be present exercising their roles.
This needs to be very clear to the mother and also to the father, that is, the awareness that it is necessary to be close to the child and emotionally support him at all times, in addition to being a figure that offers comfort and security for that life that is still in formation.
The psychological part of not living with a father during childhood can and should be worked on during the growth of a child, but this should only be done in cases where there is no possibility that either of them will be present in the child’s life.
Being absent can have consequences for the child’s psychological training not only in the short term, but also in the long term. Several studies show that the active participation of the father influences the child’s confidence in himself to try new things.
The non-participation of a male figure on these occasions may generate psychological and cognitive disorders in the future, as they directly affect the child’s psychological formation , in addition to generating various traumas throughout life.
Shared custody with Father
The law of shared custody (13,058 / 2014) in force since 2014, regulates many things with regard to the coexistence of separated or divorced parents with their son or daughter.
Shared custody, contrary to what many people think, does not mean spending half the time with the father and the other half with the mother, but that all the important decisions involving the child such as his education, the medical treatments by which he can be submitted and even the way it should be educated, should be decided by mutual agreement by the couple.
In practice, this means that both living with the mother and living with the father must have the same weight in the child’s life, that is, it is not only the time that each one stays with the child, but also the way in which they live. each stays with the child.
How does Shared Guard work?
This is the ideal regime for couples who do not have a loving relationship, as the child has the two figures very close to them at all times. However turbulent or bad the relationship between father and mother may be, it is necessary to think about the child’s well-being, that is, how the child can be harmed if one tries to prevent the other from having a good relationship with the child.
That is exactly why, in judicial cases where shared custody is decided, the child’s well-being is the priority . It is understood that it is healthier for a child to have only one house, that is, to live with only one parent, but to be able to have regular visits from the other.
If the couple does not reach an agreement, a judge will decide what is the best way to be taken for the two to live with the child. Still, the weight of decisions made in matters involving the child must be the same for both sides.
The Will of the Child
When we talk about living with the father or mother, we need to think about the child’s willingness to be with one or the other. It is natural that in these cases she ends up becoming more attached to the adult with whom she stays longer, that is, with whom she lives most of the time.
But this does not mean that she will not want to be with the other, on the contrary, often the child’s desire to learn new things starts at the father’s house. Legally speaking, a child does not have the power to decide who to live with or how much time to spend with each parent, let alone what weight each parent’s opinion will have on their education, however, it is always important to listen to the child’s will about where he prefers to be at each moment.
This can be taken into account by a judge in some cases, especially when it is difficult to reach consensus. If there is a case where the child does not want to be with a parent, it is necessary to investigate why he or she does not want to be with that person.
However, until there is evidence showing that coexistence with the father or mother is harming the child in some way, custody continues to apply equally.
When we think about having a child, things like divorce, separation and legal disputes never come to mind, but it is necessary to know that this is a reality for many people. And as much as it may affect a couple emotionally, it is important that the child grows up in a friendly environment in which the father and mother provide him with affection, security, respect and everything that a child needs to grow well.
Thus, both the role of the maternal figure and that of the part figure are able to fulfill their parts in the formation of an individual without leaving life aside.
See Also: Children of Separated Parents – How to Deal With This Situation?
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.
