Unlike the time of our grandparents, marriage has become more and more a rarity and for those who choose to make the union official, few couples are able to keep it! The problem in this situation is the children who end up suffering from the separation from the family and in the vast majority of cases are in the middle of the “war”. But is there a correct way to deal with the children of separated parents after all? What is the best method to not confuse them and not let them suffer from this whole situation?
In addition to the marriages that end and the children are in the middle of the shooting when they are unable to live with the slightest respect, there are the children of the parents who did not even get married. Fruits of fast relationships or even long-term relationships that failed to reach the officialization stage. In all cases, children must learn to live with family division, to have two houses, different routines, different habitsand what brings more discussions between separated parents, different education. The separation, contrary to what many think, causes trauma and psychological problems before the separation even occurs. The fights that precede the definitive separation, the daily discussions, the couple’s disagreement and even the atmosphere that is at home reflect on the children’s behavior. So when the wedding is not going well, there is little care !! Avoid having discussions in front of children and washing dirty clothes in front of those who cannot help them, on the contrary you will be forever marked with offenses and situations.
Couples must learn to reserve and separate the situation even more when they have children in history. Know how to separate that the marriage ended, but not the connection with the children . This is another point that children of separated parents end up suffering as few couples are able to cope well with the separation, custody and relationship with their children. Then there is also the parental alienation that makes family relationships even more difficult and totally confuses the children’s heads, destroying a bond so beautiful that it is between parents and children.
How to Deal with the Children of Separated Parents?
Of course, it is not a very easy task to pretend that you do not feel sad and hurt, especially when the end of the marriage was something traumatic and sad for both of you, but care is needed to deal with the children as it has nothing to do with the situation of the children. country. The marriage may be over, but the bond between father and mother will never end and it will depend on the two of you to nurture that feeling and make the bonds become ever closer even if you live in different houses.
Despite all the differences and hurts surrounding the relationship that ended, the education of children of separated parents must be handled with caution by both. Respect and concern for children must be put before any situation and overridden any feelings. In this way it is possible to ensure that children continue to be educated, loved, respected and receiving the same education they had before the separation. What separating couples need to understand and focus on is that their children do not become the object of competition and emotional disputes . Let go of what you think about your ex-partner, after all what you think and know about him does not say about children, in fact, the act of denigrating the father or mother is called parental alienation. Your bad relationship with your ex-partner should not interfere in the emotional relationship of parents and children, much less in the education and upbringing given to them. If there is no dialogue and the possibility of civilized conversation on the children’s affairs is far away, the only way is justice.
Leaving everything adjusted to the law on commitments, responsibilities, visits and custody will prevent fights from being avoided, of course if everything is followed as agreed in front of the judge. Avoiding “buying” children during this period is also essential, to prevent them from becoming petty little ones !! This fact is common among children of separated parents, since when parents do not understand each other they end up receiving everything in double. Be it two birthday parties, two birthday gifts, Christmas, children’s day and life is double and with excess, since parents will enter a battle of who gives the best. Parents observe their children and their behavior not only at home, but at schooland how you relate to your little friends. Facts he may have seen or heard, discussions or even comments about the breakup can come to hurt them deeply and affect his behavior. In the vast majority of cases, the help of psychologists is indicated to give support to this difficult moment, not only to parents, but also to children who will have their lives totally changed. The first year of separation is always the most complicated, because until everyone adapts and their routines a lot of difference will be felt.
Children at this stage may behave differently, become more aggressive, responsive and even more sensitive, crying for any reason. Children of parents separated at school age, may even have learning difficulties and bad behavior at school . Therefore, each sign must be observed and in the face of the fight and the end of the marriage, the egos do not take care and are blind about how much the children are suffering and needing the help of you, who knows also of a psychologist. The separation of a marriage that has children, unfortunately is not a separation of just two people !!!
See also: Report of a Single Father – Fred
My name is Dr. Alexis Hart I am 38 years old, I am the mother of 3 beautiful children! Different ages, different phases 16 years, 12 years and 7 years. In love with motherhood since always, I found it difficult to make my dreams come true, and also some more after I was already a mother.
Since I imagined myself as a mother, in my thoughts everything seemed to be much easier and simpler than it really was, I expected to get pregnant as soon as I wished, but it wasn’t that simple. The first pregnancy was smooth, but my daughter’s birth was very troubled. Joana was born in 2002 with a weight of 2930kg and 45cm, from a very peaceful cesarean delivery but she had already been born with congenital pneumonia due to a broken bag not treated with antibiotics even before delivery.